If money were no object when buying lingerie, wouldn’t you want one if these?

Le Perla Gown

Price $498• Smoke satin. • Sheer lace bodice. • V neckline; Empire waist. • Adjustable shoulder straps • Made in Italy. Leigh Bantivoglio Victoria Baby-Doll Chemise Price $218 Leigh Bantivoglio Victoria Thong Price $65     • Victoria Baby-Doll Chemise: Black lace. Ruby satin trim and bust underlay. Scalloped edges. Adjustable shoulder straps. V neckline; Empire waist with bow detail. • Victoria Thong: Ruby satin with black lace trim. Low rise. PRIMA DONNA Ginza Balconnet Bra Price $146 The beautiful Ginza Demi Bra by Prima Donna is a beautiful, sheer stretch mesh embroidered with blue and white flowers. PRIMA DONNA Ginza Thong Price $62 With beautiful embroidered blue and white flowers over sheer mesh, the new Prima Donna Ginza Thong is comfortable for everyday but more than beautiful enough for a special night…

Diki Ava Silk Basque

Price $418

Diki Ava underwired, unpadded basque, in black silk with fuschia embroidery to the front panels, and delicate lacing detail to the front, detachable straps, back hook and eye fastening, and 4 detachable garterers. Silk thong with slender side bands, high cut leg front giving a soft triangle front shape, made from luxurious black silk with stunning fuchsia embroidery.

Lola Luna Black Pearl Strand G String

Price $52

Exquisite single strand of pleasurable black pearls, from this beautiful g string with sequins and beads on fine calais lace from the Lola Luna G String Collection.

Santa, baby, I’ve been a very good girl this year! Only one shopping day left! Please bring me one of these gifts:
This bikini panty says it all in Swarovski crystals: G-I-F-T-E-D across the butt. Has red bows on each hip.

This flirty red abay doll has a handkercheif hem and satin lined cups that emphasize the breasts.

This little girl ruffled rumba panty is covered in layer upon layer of red ruffles!

This ultra sexy red velvet corset is trimmed in black lace and has a matching g-string.

This red velvet 2 pice set is sure to please Mrs. Claus!

Send in this French maid to tidy up under the Christmas tree!

Owww, put your Santa baby in this maribou feather trimmed, crushed red velvet robe and g-string set. Santa hat optional.

And a little something for Santa…

Merry Christmas from Confessions of a Boob Fluffer!

Buy your sweetie a box of panties or thongs or g-strings for Christmas. What girl would turn away a box filled with pretty panties? None! What are you waiting for? Only two more shopping days left!

This ribbon thong has a sheer floral fabric overlay with enticing ribbons to untie on each side.

This black polka dot lace bikini panty has a sheer finish and a tiny bow on the front.

This white lace thing has a matching lace garter belt. It has an intricately embroidered floral details with pretty edging.

This black lace front bikini is embroidered in a floral pattern sure to please.

This black lace thong fits flat and smooth to hide under tight clothing.

This matte jersy boy short is hip hugging perfection!

This pink polka dot ruffled bikini is so sweet and innocent!

This black lace boy short has nothing boy about it!

This gray sating tap pant is trimmed in lace.

This black velvet and white lace g-string is so very French maid!

This red lace thong is sure to please this Christmas!

This is a cupless style peek-a-boo bra with strategic boning for uplifting cleavage. It fits the most like a normal bra with adjustable straps and back. This style fits A, B and C cups the best.

This naughty hot pink lace peek-a-boo set has slits in the bra top and matching crotchless panties.

This sheer pink diamond mesh set has an underwired bra with hot pink lace-ups, or un-lace-ups, and a matching sheer pink diamond mesh ruffled panty.

This white satin bra with has a peek-a-boo front that is embellished with satin bows and lace trim and a matching g-string included.

This sheer peek-a-boo bra has with underwire cups topped with a sheer ruffle and bow. It has matching sheer flirty shorts.

This 2-piece black leather set has peek-a-boo slits in both the cami and the matching g-string. The front of the cami laces up so you can adjust it to the level of tightness you like best.

This sheer mesh peek-a-boo set consists of a couple of strings trimmed in beads and bows. It’s about as minimal as you can get!

This red lace peek-a-boo set consists of a split front bra with matching crotchless panties and a garter belt worn with stockings.

Five times a year my manager, Kelly and I would travel to the apparel mart for the lingerie show. We bought most of the store merchandise at these apparel shows. It was always a very stressful couple of days in which we tried to cover as much ground as possible, buying everything we needed from our regular vendors while searching for new sources too.

““

When our girlfriends heard we were going to the apparel mart, their eyes would glaze over and they would mumble about “all those clothes” and “cheap prices”. That’s when the begging and whining would start: “I want to go”, “Please take me with youuuuuuuu”. Some how, some where, some one started a rumor that the apparel mart was full of amazing bargains on next seasons clothes at giveaway prices. That the apparel mart was filled with racks full of great deals all for the taking. Someone had exaggerated as this was not really the case. Yeah, it’s true, there were lots of amazing clothes, in teeny tiny sample sizes, sometimes unfinished or finished but not in the color that will be on store racks or they were marked up with tailors chalk, maybe sewn a little wonky (it’s just a sample so who cares?). It’s also true, that on the last day of the sale some of these lovely samples were available to buy but by this time they were a little shop worn, kinda sad looking and a little too desperate, like closing time in a bar. This is what was available for sale, hardly something to get excited about and not as cheap as you would think they should be in their sad condition. And, yet, the beggars persisted refusing to hear the truth, preferring to believe that we were lying to them so we could keep all those great bargains for ourselves. A quick glance at Kelly and my wardrobes would have proved to them the depressing truth.

After brushing off all the bargain hunting scavengers, we would take off for the apparel mart for three days of stressful shopping for the store. Checklist in hand, we would arrive early on day one heading straight towards the coffee stand for the caffeine that would keep us fueled for three hardcore days of shopping. You know how hard it is during the holidays to shop for someone other than yourself. Try shopping for a store full of complete strangers. Not an easy task.

After grabbing grande coffees, we always started in the section where most of our regular vendors were located. We would search for one who wasn’t busy and have a seat, sipping our coffee. Our vendors were mostly independent reps who carried several different lines of merchandise, usually a mix of sexy stuff and comfy sleepwear. We were mostly interested in the sexy stuff as that’s what we carried at the store. Sometimes our reps made us sit through a showing of the boring old sleepwear (who still wears footed pajamas?) knowing we weren’t going anywhere until we’d seen the more provocative items. It was so cruel of them.

A lot of our vendors lived in the same city as the apparel mart and would bring their wives or their teenage kids to help them during the busy weekend. It was a typical sight to see whole families selling sexy lingerie. Apparently, the family who sells crotchless panties together, stays together.

The college age daughter of one of my favorite sales reps worked for me in one of my stores. She was a great kid who knew a lot about lingerie because she grew up around it, but being a college kid she was much more interested in partying than lingerie. She usually came home from college the weekend of the lingerie show to help her Dad. Since she knew all the the lines he carried it was great to work with her. She knew what we carried at the store and could narrow in on the sexy lingerie lines showing us the best stuff.

Another one of our reps brought his wife to help him. She was a lovely, petite woman who always brought home made treats for everyone. He was a lecherous ass who would fondle my leg under the table while his wife stood next to him holding up teddies and corsets. There was an unwritten rule amongst the lingerie dealers that everything was treated lightheartedly and jokingly no matter how sexy, trashy or prurient an item was. This guy unabashedly broke the rule every time we visited his booth.

Needless to say, I always dreaded going to his booth to view his wares. Once when we were sluggish due to lack of caffeine, he offered to get us cups of coffee. I thought this was a really nice, though uncharacteristic gesture until he sent his wife to get us coffee. While she was gone he tried to arrange a three way with Kelly and me for that evening, promising to ditch his wife after work. What an ass! I guess this would be a more interesting story if I said we met up with him later that evening but that was not the case.

Each day we would shop our regular vendors until about late afternoon, then we would systematically comb each floor of the apparel mart looking for new vendors. Ok, that’s sort of what we did. In reality we were glancing in every showroom to see if they had a cocktail bar set up with free drinks. Most of our regular vendors were in the cheap seats with booths, tables, garment racks and maybe a dish of candy. They were the temporary vendors who set up booths just for the apparel show. On the upper floors were the elegant year round showrooms that had the open bars and buffets in the late afternoon. They mostly they sold better dresses, sometimes bridal gowns, none of it stuff we carried. None of the fancy showrooms, that is the ones with open bars and buffets, sold lingerie. We had to stealthily slip into a busy showroom when all the reps were engaged with potential (real!) customers and snag a drink before they spotted us. I’m fairly certain the sales reps were trained to spot free loaders like us and to intervene before we could get to the bar. This just really made it a more of a game to us. Once we were spotted, drinks in hand, we would gush on about how “Beautiful the line was” and “Could we get a catalog and a business card” from the rep who nailed us with our freebie cocktails. While the rep went to get us a catalog that was invariably hiding in the back somewhere, we would slip out the door into the hall mingling with other buyers. Out in the hall, we would inhale our drinks looking for the next showroom with an open bar. This bad behavior would continue until the mart closed for the day at six.

Once the mart closed, we would make the inebriated drive to our hotel to calculate how much we had spent that day. This is where all those free cocktails would come in handy as adding the days receipts was incredibly boring and tedious, but essential. Knowing how much we spent that day would tell us how much we had left to spend for the rest of the show. Somehow being a little inebriated made this tedious task so much easier, though slightly less accurate. Afterwards, we would go to dinner where we would consume more drinks, this time on an expense account.

We would repeat this schedule for the duration of our stay at the apparel mart until we had spent all our open-to-buy money, timing it to finish on the last day of the show. Then we would hit the booths and showrooms looking for samples to buy for ourselves. The prices were amazing! Kelly and I had a deal to never wear our “apparel mart finds” to work so no one would know about the great deals you could get on clothes. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone!

“I’m looking for something to perk up my sex life” said the tall brunette standing in front of me blushing slightly when she said it. She was dressed in gray sweats with a chocolate milk spill on the front of her sweatshirt like the kind Mom’s with young children usually have. Was that Cheeto dust under her fingernails? “But I can’t spend more than twenty dollars”

“Sure, I can find you something for under $20. I’m Lori” said Lori who always liked a challenge.

“Judith” said the customer.

“What about crotchless panties? Those are less than $20” said Lori.

“Well, the last time I bought some lingerie I bought a pair of those” she answered.

“So did he like them?” Lori asked.

“Oh, yeah, he loved them. That’s how we got our second child” she answered.

“How long ago was that?” Lori asked.

“Two kids ago” she answered.

“Oh, then you really need some new lingerie. Maybe try something a little different this time?”

Lori led her over to a rack of thongs and g-strings. “What about a g-string? Maybe for both of you? We have a set of matching his-n-hers tuxedo g-strings” Lori queried. “My husband and I have these.” This was probably true as Lori made her husband wear men’s lingerie. “We also have a faux buckskin Indian and Indian Maiden set with beads. Look, so cute! Ooohhh! And camo! Is he a hunter?”

“Um, no, he doesn’t hunt. I’m not all that fond of G-strings and I don’t think I could get him in one” Judith replied.

“Oh, ok. I guess this fringy his-n-hers leopard print Tarzan and Jane set is out also?” Lori asked.

“If it’s a G-string, then it’s a no” Judith answered.

“Ok, then, how about a garter belt and stockings?” she asked. Ever the optimist, Lori was never put off by the N word, NO.

“I don’t know if he would like those” she said.

“All men like garter belts and stockings” Lori countered.

“Yeah, I don’t know if my man will though” Judith answered.

Lori continued her search around the store. “Let’s try the sale rack. Maybe there’s some lingerie on it under twenty dollars” she said.

Lori and the customer flipped through the sale rack checking for under twenty dollar pieces of lingerie that did not have a G string. Lori held up several items but after about fifteen minutes they had exhausted all the possibilities.

“I’m so picky” said the customer. “I think I’m putting so much pressure on this one piece of lingerie because I want it to be so perfect. Ever since the kids came along our sex life has really suffered. I want to get it back on track. More like the way it was B. C., before children. I want our old sex life back” she moaned.

“Don’t worry! We’ll find something” Lori said still the cheerleader she was in high school. “Wait, I know!” she said as she rushed over to a rack of teddies.

“What about this teddy. It doesn’t look like much on the hanger but it really looks great on. I know it’s a g-string back teddy but it’s all stretch lace, very comfortable and it has this cute bow on the back. Look!” she said holding up the back of the teddy so Judith could see that it consisted of a couple of lace straps and a big bow. “And it comes in six different colors: black, white, pink, red, baby blue and purple. This is the most popular teddy we have and it’s only $25. Can you spend just a little bit more?” she asked.

“I really can’t spend more than $20” she whined. “I knew this wouldn’t work out”.

“Don’t worry, I’ll find you something” Lori insisted. “What about massage oils? Or toys? A lot of those are under twenty dollars. You could just surprise him with a massage and see where it leads. Or maybe a vibrator? More fun for you!”

“Is that my only option? Judith asked.

“Pretty much” said Lori. “I’m sorry but I’ve shown you all the lingerie we have for under $20”.

“That’s okay, I kinda thought so” she said. “So what kind of oils and toys do you have?’

Lori lead her over to the shelves where the massage oils and toys were kept. “Let’s see, for under twenty dollars we have a couple of vibrators, hand cuffs, this leather crop, blindfolds. Oh, and thumb cuffs! They’re like hand cuffs only smaller. Those are fun!” (Yes, Lori has those!)

“I don’t think any of that stuff is for me” said the customer. “I’m not so sure about a vibrator or thumb cuffs. But what kind of massage oils do you have?”

“We have some really nice massage oils” she said. “Here try this one. It’s cherry flavored and heats up when applied to the skin”.

“Mmmm, that’s nice but he doesn’t like cherry” Judith answered.

“This comes in a bunch of flavors” Lori answered. “Chocolate mint, strawberry, coconut, orange…”

“Let me try the strawberry. He loves strawberries” she said.

Lori opened the strawberry oil tester and poured a little on her arm. “Rub it in so you can feel it heat up” she said. “Then taste it”.

“It’s good” replied the customer. “I like it and I think he would too. What else do you have?”

“We have this honey dust. It comes with a feather duster to apply it” Lori said.

“Yeah, that seems too complicated with the feather thing” she said. “I wouldn’t know what to do with it”

“What about this” said Lori. “It’s called Pleasure Balm”.

“What is it?” Judith asked.

“It’s a prolong gel. It’s really minty and makes him go numb so he lasts longer. Here, put a little bit on your tongue” Lori hands her the jar.

Judith sticks her finger in the jar and pulls out a large glob of the Pleasure Balm.

“No, no, no, just a tiny bit of it goes a very long way” said Lori.

The customer wipes most of it off her finger and smears a dab on her tongue. “Oh my gosh! My tongue just went numb! It feels so weird! This isn’t going to hurt him is it?” she asked.

“Oh, no it’s all natural. A little dab goes a long ways though so don’t use too much” Lori answered.

“Have you tried this? asked Judith.

“No, not yet” answered Lori. “But it’s on my list”.

I’ll take this” she said. “My tongue is still numb”.

“Imagine the possibilities” answered Lori as she rang up her purchase. “Here’s to kid number four!”

“Oh, no, we’ve made sure that won’t happen again. This is strictly for fun this time!” answered the customer as she walked towards the door.

A few days later a short, plump woman entered the store and asked me if we had “any of that stuff that comes in the green jar?”

“Um, I’m not sure” I answered. “Is it a massage oil? We have massage oils in green jars.”

“No, no no. It’s a small green jar. Kinda looks like jelly” she said.

My mind was a blank. Actually my mind was thinking of mint jelly, the kind you put on lamb. I guess she could tell I didn’t have a clue.

“It’s for him” she whispered. “He goes numb”.

“Oh, you mean Pleasure Balm” I said finally getting it. “Yeah, we have some of that”.

I pulled a jar off the shelf and said “A little bit goes a very long ways so don’t use too much”.

“Great, I’ll take it” she answered pulling out her checkbook.

The next day another woman came in the store asking for the “green jar of numbing stuff”. “Judith sent me here”.

“Oh, you mean Pleasure Balm” I said.

“Whatever, I heard it works miracles” she said. “I need a miracle”.

The next day another woman with flaming red hair came in the store and said “Judith sent me here to get a small green jar of something that’s supposed to make my husband’s dick stay hard for a long time. It’s supposed to be good for both of us, yeah?’ she asked.

“Uh, yeah sure” said Lori who was working with me. She grabbed a jar off the shelf. “This is it” she said handing her the jar. “Now only use a tiny bit of this. More is not better”.

“No problem” answered the customer. “I heard this was a miracle in a jar. And we could use a miracle if you know what I mean?”

“Uh, ok”

After the customer paid and left, I looked over at the shelf. “I guess if Judith is going to send all her friends in for Pleasure Balm , I should order some more”.

“We only have three jars left” said Lori. “I guess so”

A week later, six cases of Pleasure Balm were delivered to the store. We had long since run out and the waiting list had grown to thirty-eight names. We called all the names on the list and I placed another order, doubling it. The same thing happened again. Every jar was flying off the shelf. A couple were repeat customers including the redhead who reported that “her husbands dick was hard as steel”, “lasted longer than the Tonight Show” and she “hasn’t had that much fun in bed since their wedding night eighteen years ago”.

I ordered again when the second shipment showed signs of selling out. I doubled that order too and a week later it was delivered. I’m sure my supplier was wondering what was going on at my store. I was pricing the jars when Lori came into work that afternoon.

“I wonder if this lives up to it’s hype? “ asked Lori looking at the stacks of jars lying every where.

“I guess it’s time someone in the store finds out” I said handing her a jar.

“Oh, no! I can’t be the only one who tests this!” she said.

“Don’t panic! We’re having a store meeting tonight so I’ll give it to everyone” I replied. Later that evening at our meeting I handed out a jar of Pleasure Balm to everyone who worked at Scarlett’s.

“Ladies, enjoy! Report back and please, not in as much detail as some of our customers. And by that I mean the redhead who’s husbands dick was as hard as steel”.

A few days later it was unanimous. Everyone at the store gave it rave reviews! And without too much detail, thankfully.

That following Saturday, Judith’s husband bought six jars “to give out to buddies”. He even blushed a little when he bought them. I still wonder if he ever really gave them to his “buddies”.

Don’t want to wear a padded bra? Tired of misleading advertising? Still want maximum cleavage? Buy a bra one cup size too small. The girls have to go somewhere and that somewhere is up and out. This works especially well with strapless bras, demi bras, and deep V-front bras.

Handcuffs hanging from a cops belt bring on all kinds of naughty thoughts but those same handcuffs can leave scrapes and bruises on your wrists. Try fur lined handcuffs, they still get the job done but don’t leave any embarrassing marks on your wrists that might be tough to explain at work or to your day care provider. Or skip the cuffs and use padded velcro restraints, silky scarves or drapery ties.

You don’t need a lot of complicated lingerie to impress men. They are simple creatures who can be entertained by the smallest bits of lingerie. You don’t have to spend a fortune either. A $15 pair of crotchless panties is priceless and will provide your man with endless entertainment. It’s almost embarrassing how enthralled they can be by such a small piece of fabric (to be fair, I think it is the lack of fabric that is really entertaining to them). Maybe the real attraction for men is that they know you are a “sure thing” if you are wearing crotchless panties.

When buying g-strings or thongs make sure there is vertical stretch. This prevents you from getting a painful self-inflicted wedgie. Basics in flat weaves of silk or cotton breathe and don’t show under tight clothes. Save the frilly ruffled pair for under full skirts or dresses or for fun at home. It’s hard to tuck those ruffles into pants or a slim skirt which might create a bulge. And do I really have to mention, don’t wear a dark colored thong under light colored pants. One word: tacky.

Lingerie doesn’t always have to be about T & A – tits and ass. Don’t discount the sexiness of a long gown with a low cut back or fun, sexy costumes. A stretch lace body stocking or catsuit (think Halle Berry in Catwoman) leaves you completely covered but also hugs your every curve. Come to think of it, I guess a body stocking is still about T & A.

Massage oils and prolong creams are fairly inexpensive and can be a lot of fun. Make sure they are non-staining and always test first for allergic reaction (which might dampen ardor). Try to test on your hand in the store if they have a sample. All natural oils, lotions and potions like the Kama Sutra brand are less likely to irritate the skin (or more delicate areas).

Clean your toys! After each use clean your toys according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Toys are made of different materials which require different cleaning methods. Some need to be cleaned with soap and water, some can be cleaned with Clorox wipes and some can even go in the dishwasher. (Mom! What’s this thing in the dishwasher?)

Try to buy matching sets when purchasing bras and panties. It makes you feel good all day long knowing you are wearing a pretty matching set (even if you are the only one to see it). A good rule of thumb is to buy one bra with 2 pair of matching panties. This way you can wear the bra twice before washing it, once with each pair of panties. Unless you will only wear bikinis or maybe thongs, it’s best to buy 2 different types of panties. Mix it up with a g-string and bikini or a thong and tap pant or boy shorts. This gives you some variety with your panty choices. Consider buying a garter belt with one of your sets. Garter belts work best with thongs, g-strings and bikinis. And pick up a couple of pairs of stockings to go with it: a pair that matches the set (pink with pink or red with red, etc.) for fun plus a color that matches your skin color to wear out (or black stockings with a black set). If a flesh color sounds a little too boring try seamed stockings or maybe a Cuban heel or go all out with silk stockings. When wearing a garter belt it is easier to wear the panties over the garters. While they will almost always be displayed in the store under the garter belt it is much more practical to wear them over the garter belt (but never wear one with granny panties). You will appreciate this little distinction later in the ladies room when you have to pee. Bonus: if you should “get lucky” later you can remove just the panties and keep the garter belt and stockings on – always popular!

Toys can sometimes break the budget. Save up and buy quality for special occasions. (While a dog may be man’s best friend, every day is a special occasion with a girls best friend, a vibrator) In between you can rely on creativity. Food is always inexpensive and fun (see the movie Nine and a Half Weeks for inspiration). Whipped cream, chocolate sauce and fruit jams are all fun. And what about Krispy Kream glazed doughnuts. Slip this over your mans joystick and enjoy a snack while he enjoys his yearly birthday special. A little something for him and a little something for you (though not sure who is getting the best part of that deal).

Pasties can be fun in a stripper kind of way but the glue used to keep them on in a club is a little too harsh for home fun. Instead try peanut butter or honey which makes it easier to take the pasties off and tastes great too. Of course if your intention is to twirl the tassels in 2 different directions you will need to use pastie or false eyelash glue or spirit gum. These can be easily removed with spirit gum remover or eyelash glue remover.

Make friends with your local lingerie store sales girls who can steer you towards early sales, good buys and the newest gotta-have-its before everyone else. Plus they will hold your size for you! The best way to find a great fit is to try it on. Remember to wear panties, it’s hygienic and the law! It’s ok to try on lots of things and not buy anything if nothing worked out, just remember there are other customers who need help too. Leave your name and number along with the details of what you are looking for and they will call you when it comes in.

Hand washing your delicates is the best way to make them last longer. But who has time for that? And where do you hang it all to dry? A good alternative to hand washing is using a lingerie bag for your bras and panties. It will keep them together in the washer and prevent the delicate fabrics from getting torn. And always hook your bras before washing. This will also keep your bras from hooking onto all your other clothes creating a giant ball of wrinkled laundry.

Buy rechargeable batteries for your vibrator. A vibrator can burn through disposable batteries pretty quickly. It’s a real bummer when you turn on your vibrator and it barely hums. Rechargeable batteries are worth spending a little extra so your vibrator is always ready…provided you remember to charge them.

When buying a short or long gown consider buying a matching robe. Like matching bra and panty sets, it feels good to wear a set that matches, even if it is just for you. Of course, it also works well for entertaining. Consider buying your set in silk which these days is machine washable and dry able. If that doesn’t fit your budget, there are gorgeous sets in satin and lace too. Think about buying a pair of high heel slippers to go with your set. High heeled mules are fun in a glamourous 1940’s kind of way and come in a wide range of styles: maribou feather trim, jewels, lace, satin, brocade, rhinestones, beads and a range of heel heights from kitten to stiletto.

Haven’t had a bra fitting in a long time? Like never? Get yourself to the nearest lingerie store to get fitted for a bra. They will make sure you are wearing the correct size (80% of you are wearing the wrong size!). Plus different styles and different bra makers fit differently. They will help you find the right size, shape and brand. The correct size bra will make your girls look amazing. What are you waiting for? Go get some amazing boobs!

Buy some basic bras and panties in white, nude and black for every day wear. Beyond that, experiment with different colors, styles, sets including garter belts, waist cinchers, demi-cup bras, bustiers, corsets, merry widows, basques and panties in thongs, g-strings, boycut, tap pants, bikinis….I could go on and on! Just go to a lingerie store with an open mind!

Bring more romance into your life. A silk or satin chemise is just as comfortable to sleep in as his ratty old college T-shirt and he will definitely appreciate it more. Sleep by yourself? Then do it for yourself!

Move beyond the usual colors (red, black, white) and styles (teddies, baby dolls, gowns) and experiment with other kinds of lingerie in fashion colors: body stockings, corsets, half cup bras, stay-up stockings in colors like navy, purple, mint green and yellow.

Most of all, have fun with lingerie! So many women are intimidated shopping for lingerie. Or they think they don’t like it. Or it’s too expensive. What’s not to like? And lingerie is selling for all different price points at a variety of stores from Walmart to Agent Provocateur. All those lacy frilly things are made just for us! Yeah, ok, some of them are not comfortable. So don’t wear those. There are plenty of styles and fabrics that look great and are comfortable. Our best selling teddy was a g-string style made of stretch lace connected by a few straps with a big bow on the back. We sold it for only $25 in six different colors and it looked fabulous on everyone! So get yourself to a lingerie store NOW!

It was February 13th, the day before that couples holiday referred to as Valentine’s Day, and the store was full of desperate men trying to buy just the right piece of lingerie that would guarantee they would get laid. They were clustered around the cash register vying for our attention so they could “get-it-n-go”. That’s what I called it. The nervous ones or the ones who didn’t want to put much effort into their gift choice (which was most of the shoppers that day) bought the first item you showed them, grabbed the bag and ran. Thus my name for them, get-it-and-go lingerie shoppers.

Since it was a busy day everyone was scheduled to work at the store. From the time the door opened until closing time eleven hours later, the store would be packed with men cluelessly shopping for lingerie that would act as an aphrodisiac on their wives and girlfriends. It was a tall order as it seems that what most men wanted their women to wear and what most women liked were two completely different things. Men mostly wanted tiny, sheer and slutty which was guaranteed to piss off their wives and girlfriends who wanted silky and romantic in pretty pastel colors, at least for that most romantic of all days, Valentine’s Day. It was our job to steer the men towards the perfect compromise outfit that was least likely to be returned, unworn, two days later. A returned item usually meant that the true mission for buying that lingerie had not been accomplished.

The first guy in the door that morning walked right up to beautiful, statuesque Lori and asked her to find him something in red lace for his wife. Ever the flirt, Lori batted her eyelashes at him before leading him back to the front of the store which was filled with red, red and, yes, more red lingerie. After giving him a quick tour of what was available in red lace she asked him “Could you picture your wife in any of this?”

“I could picture you in this” he answered.

She squinted at him, sighing loudly. “You’re here to shop for your wife” she reminded him.

He backed down a bit “All of it , any of it.” Then he shrugged as if it was just too much effort to decide what his wife would like.

“Well, maybe you could narrow it down a bit so I could help you find what you are looking for” she answered.

“I want to get her one of those one piece things with the snaps in the crotch” he said finally being helpful. Snaps in crotch were very popular with men as I think they equated the snaps with easy access.

“Oh, a teddy. Sure, we have lots of red lace teddies” she said as she steered him to a rack. She held up several different teddies in red lace all with snaps in the crotch.

“Any of these catch your eye?” she asked.

“Yeah all of them” his eyes perking up at all the different lacy red choices.

“Do you know what size she is?” asked Lori trying to narrow down the selection.

“She looks about the same size as you. What size bra do you wear?” he asked staring at her chest. Yeesh, if I had a dollar for every time I was asked that….

Lori hesitated before answering “36B”.

“Yeah, that’s my wife’s bra size too” he answered still staring at her tits.

Lori heaved a sigh holding up a sexy red lace teddy trying to divert his attention. “How about this one? It’s very cute and red and lacy and look the top is sheer” The magic word: sheer!

At the mention of sheer Lori had finally caught his attention with something other than her tits. He looked at the teddy she held up. “Yeah, that will work. Can you gift wrap it?”

“Sure” she said walking towards the cash register. A few minutes later he whisked his gift wrapped red lace teddy out the door strutting like a man who was going to get lucky.

Surveying the other men who had entered the store, Lori turned to me and said “It’s going to be a long day, huh?”

“Yep” I answered “Maybe I should run out to the liquor store so we can spike our coffee.”

“I think I’m going to need it later” Lori replied.

“We will all need it later but maybe we should start now” I quipped.

Just then a short, stout guy with glasses broke from the pack to ask me to help him find something for his wife for Valentine’s Day.

“Sure” I replied “What are you looking for?”

“Well, I think something in red” he said.

Duh, I didn’t see that coming. Smiling, I said “Sure, we have lots of red. Anything in particular you’re looking for?”

“Well, actually, she really hates red. But I love red” he said. Uh, oh, warning flares. I could see a future return.

“Ok, well, maybe you should look at something in pink. It would still be appropriate for Valentine’s Day and she might like pink better than red”.

“Ok, I guess, but I really like red. But maybe I could like pink. I guess you could show me something in pink. Maybe if I saw some pink lingerie I might like it?” he said like he was trying to talk himself into it.

I lead him over to the section of the store where all the pink lingerie was hanging on racks. At certain times of the year it was much easier to merchandise the store by color. Valentine’s Day was one of those times so the red was in the front of the store with pink close by.

“Do you want something like this?” I said holding up a long shimmering pink satin gown trimmed with floral embroidery. “Or maybe something like this?” I asked holding up a tiny sheer two piece peek-a-boo panty and bra top set, otherwise known as a “fuck-me set”.

His eyes flashed as he said “I would like this little thing” indicating the fuck-me set “but my wife would probably like the gown better”. He sulked a bit, slumping around the shoulders.

“Why not compromise?” I asked holding up a lacy pink baby doll gown. It had a short lace skirt split up the middle to the clasp under the breasts. “Look, it comes with matching pink lace crotchless panties”.

“Wow! That’s… wow!” he sputtered gawking at the baby doll. “I think that’s it”.

“What size does she wear?” I asked hoping we still had her size in the baby doll.

“You look about her size. Maybe you could try it on so I could see what it would look like on her?” he had the nerve to ask. Once again, if I had a dollar….

“I don’t think so” I answered rolling my eyes as I grabbed my size off the rack.

“Well, maybe you could just hold it up to you so I can see how it would look?” he asked.

Wanting to make the sale so I could move on to the next engaging customer, I held it up to me. “How’s this?”

“That’s really nice” he said reaching up to surreptitiously finger my boob under the auspices of fingering the lace.

I shoved the baby doll at him remarking “Is this all you want then?”

“Um, yeah, I guess I’ll take this. Do you gift wrap?”

I wrapped the box while waiting for his credit card to go through. Handing him the gift wrapped box, I said “ I hope she likes it”

“I don’t know if she will, but I will” he replied turning to leave.

I turned to Kelly who had just finished with her own customer and sighed “This is going to be one long ass day”

“Yeah” she replied “Eleven A.M. and I already had a groper”.

“Me too” I said “And only 10 more hours of gropers to go! They think they are so sly!”

The phone rang and I answered it “Scarlett’s”.

“Do you sell crotchless panties?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure, we carry crotchless panties”

“What exactly do they look like” he inquired. Believe it or not, this was a common question. It seemed so self explanatory, I had to wonder if most people had no imagination.

“They look like regular panties, usually in satin or lace or sheer except they have a slit in the crotch” I answered.

“What kind of panties are you wearing?” he breathed into the phone.

I pretended to beat the phone against the wall before saying “Look, I really don’t have time for this today”. I hung up on him.

Just then, Melinda handed me a corset and stockings asking “Could you ring and wrap this? He came in with a friend who still needs help”.

“Sure” I answered as she walked away. “Hey, how are you?” I asked the customer.

“Great. Say, is she married?” he asked pointing to Melinda.

“Yes, she is and she already has three boyfriends on the side” I answered knowing she wasn’t married and had only one boyfriend. I always tried to discourage potential stalkers.

“Oh, ok” he said snatching up his wife’s? girlfriends? gift wrapped lingerie.

I glanced over at the shelves where we kept toys and things. Kelly was helping a guy with massage oils.

“Taste this one” she said pouring a small amount of cherry flavored oil on the guys hand.

“Mmmm, that’s good. How about this one?” he asked pouring a quarter sized spot of chocolate flavored oil on her arm before licking it off.

“Uh, how about this pina colada flavor?” she asked pouring a little bit on the back of his hand.

“Yeah, that’s good. But what about this strawberry flavor? It says that it heats up when rubbed in” he said rubbing the oil into her arm before, once again, licking it off.

I stood there watching their exchange as the phone rang again. Damn, it was going to be a busy day.

“Scarlett’s” I said into the phone.

“Do you sell crotchless panties?” asked a familiar voice.

“I told you the last time, yes, we carry crotchless panties. But if you want any more of a description or want to know what you do in them, you will have to give me a credit card number because I’m not giving you free phone sex” I yelled into the phone.

Click, dial tone, as he hung up obviously not wanting to pay for something he thought he should get for free. Christ, it was going to be a long day!

I glanced over to where Kelly and the massage oil guy were having a good time licking massage oils off each other. It was going to be a really long day.

Suddenly a customer appeared in front of me jolting me out of my reverie. “I’m looking for a French maids outfit. Do you have one?” asked the tall, dark and handsome man standing in front of me.

“Sure” I smiled. Damn he was cute! I lead him towards the rack where the sexy French maid costumes were hanging.

I made my sales pitch: “We carry the French maids outfit in black and white, red and white and pink and white. It comes with a tiny satin apron, a lacy headband, fingerless lace gloves and a feather duster. We also have a hula girl costume with a grass skirt and coconut bra, a naughty nurse with stethoscope, a belly dancing outfit with a coin bra…”

He interrupted “No, I just want the French maids costume. I want one in black and one in red. Both in a size medium. Could you gift wrap them? Separately?” he asked.

“Uh, sure” I said.

“Could you differentiate the boxes some how?” he requested.

“Well, I could put a red bow on the red one and a pink bow on the black. How’s that?” I answered thinking of what colors of bows we had in stock.

“Great” he paid saying he would be back in a few minutes to pick them up.

I quickly wrapped his packages, careful to put the red bow on the red French maids outfit box and the pink bow on the black French maids outfit box. Lori, who had just finished with her customer, helped me.

When he returned I couldn’t resist asking why the same outfit in two different colors.

“Well, one’s for my wife and the other is for my girlfriend” he answered unapologetically.

As he walked out the door, Lori muttered under her breath “Fucking pig”.

Just then, the phone rang again.

“Scarlett’s” I answered.

“Do you carry crotchless panties?”