Confessions of a Boob Fluffer

I was standing at the checkout counter pricing strawberry flavored candy underwear when a cute, petite, dark haired woman holding one of our gift boxes walked up to me and said “I want to return this. It’s not my taste. I don’t know what my husband was thinking when he bought it.”

“Sure, let’s see what you have” I replied taking the box from her.

“I don’t know why he buys me this stuff” she continued. “He knows I don’t like it. I never wear any of this stuff he buys me. I mean, I sleep in his old t-shirts and I’m a mother. We have kids. I can’t wear anything like this around them.”

I glanced at Lori who was working with me. Lori expected her husband to buy her lingerie. And he did, all the time. I know because I usually sold it to him. It was no surprise that Lori couldn’t hold back. “Well, obviously you can’t wear this around your kids. That’s not what it’s for But maybe he buys it for you because he wants to see you wear it for him. I think it’s sweet”.

I opened the box and unwrapped the tissue from a sexy purple thong back teddy. “Oh, this is that new teddy we just got in.” I said recognizing it as one I sold a few days ago. It was a beautiful teddy but unfortunately we only received one of them as the rest were backordered with the vendor.

Lori leaned over looking in the box. “Wow, when did we get this in? I haven’t even seen this yet. It’s so cute! Are you sure you want to return it?” she asked the customer. Lori was a firm believer in the power of lingerie in a relationship.

“Yes, I’m positive. I can’t believe he buys me this slutty stuff” she sniffed.

I pulled the teddy out of the box and noticed it was wrinkled, not fold marks from being in the box, but wrinkled, like in this-has-been-worn wrinkled. I was going to have to do the thing I hated most about owning a lingerie store: a discrete crotch check. I saw that Lori also noticed it was wrinkled and she glanced at me before turning back to the customer.

“You know, we carry all different kinds of lingerie in this store. There’s some very cute panties over here” she said walking over to the panty rack while trying to distract the customer. I flipped out the teddy’s crotch to check for signs of wear. As I suspected, there were stains in the teddy’s crotch, a sure sign it had been worn for much longer than a quick try on over panty’s.

“Shit!” I thought. “I fucking hate this!” I looked over towards the panty rack where Lori and the customer were looking at a pair of white stretch lace panty’s. Lori glanced over at the scowl on my face and knew what I’d found.

“These panties are very nice but they’re just not me.” said the customer. “I wear Hanes cotton briefs. I just want a refund for the teddy. I can’t believe my husband wastes money on crap like this” she said while walking back to the counter.

Well that pissed me off. So I decided to make her work a little before not refunding her money. Really, what was she thinking bringing back used lingerie? And then insulting my store?

“Do you have your receipt?’ I asked while stalling even though I knew there was no way in hell she was returning a used teddy, receipt or not.

“Yeah, sure, it’s in my wallet” she said probably thinking she would take the cash and run to Walmart to buy herself some more of those cotton granny panties. She dug in her purse, pulled out her wallet, then pulled out the receipt and handed it to me.

“Oh, I see he paid cash for this” I said while thinking to myself “Oh, good, it’s not on a credit card so she can’t do a chargeback when I tell her “No fucking way am I taking back a used teddy”.

Lori had joined me at the counter in an act of solidarity. I took a deep breath and toying with her a bit more, said “Has this been worn?”

“I told you earlier, I don’t wear this kind of stuff. I have children. I go to church. When would I ever wear this?” she sounded a bit perturbed though not as perturbed as she was going to be I was sure.

I looking her directly in the eye and said “This teddy has been worn”.

She look me straight in the eye. “I didn’t wear this” she maintained. “How dare you insult me! What makes you think it’s been worn?”

“It’s wrinkled like it’s been worn….”

“Show me” she interrupted.

I held up the teddy and said “See these wrinkles across the waist here? That’s where this has been worn by someone sitting down. There’s also wrinkles here in the crotch.”

“That doesn’t mean anything” she snipped. “Those are wrinkles from being in the box.”

“No” I said. “Box wrinkles look like fold marks. For a teddy that means only one neat looking fold mark.”

“I don’t believe you” she said.

Even though checking crotches for stains was my least favorite thing to do in the store, my favorite thing to do was to show the crotch stains to the lying customer. I loved seeing the look on their face when it hits home that I know they had sex either before, during or after they wore this teddy. Truly priceless!

I held up the teddy close to her face and flipped the crotch over so it was merely inches away and said “There’s stains in the crotch. This was worn.”

Her eyes nearly popped out of here head and her mouth fell open making those gulping for air guppy motions. Lori looked over at me with a look I assumed mirrored my own smug look. We could barely contain our smirks. We loved busting customers like this.

After what seemed like an eternity, guppy face finally said “I didn’t wear this. I didn’t even take it out of the box. You must have sold it to him like that”

I’d heard this before. I had a store policy to check the crotch of everything we sold that had a crotch. Since I sold this one the day it came into the store no one had a chance to try it on. Not one to defy my own policy, I knew I had checked the crotch.

“There’s no way this went out the door like this” I said to her. “We check every item before it goes out the door to protect our customers. Your husband bought this the day in came into the store. I’m the one who sold it to him and I checked the crotch even though he practically bought it straight out of the box.”

“Well, I didn’t even try this on let alone wear it” she insisted.

“Well, someone wore it. Maybe you should take that up with your husband. I still can’t refund your money” I countered.

With a stunned look on her face she turned to go out the door.

“Ma’am, do you want your teddy back? It’s still your teddy. It’s paid for.” Lori called after her, not one to waste a good piece of lingerie.

She glared in our direction and left the store.

“So do you think she wore it or do you think her husband let someone else wear it before giving it to her?’ Lori asked.

“I don’t know” I said. “I guess we’ll never find out. Still, there was no way she was getting a refund on used lingerie.”

“Oh my gawd! I love it when you stuck that teddy’s stained crotch in her face. That’s my favorite thing you do!” Lori laughed.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite thing too” I chuckled.