Confessions of a Boob Fluffer

“I’m looking for something to perk up my sex life” said the tall brunette standing in front of me blushing slightly when she said it. She was dressed in gray sweats with a chocolate milk spill on the front of her sweatshirt like the kind Mom’s with young children usually have. Was that Cheeto dust under her fingernails? “But I can’t spend more than twenty dollars”

“Sure, I can find you something for under $20. I’m Lori” said Lori who always liked a challenge.

“Judith” said the customer.

“What about crotchless panties? Those are less than $20” said Lori.

“Well, the last time I bought some lingerie I bought a pair of those” she answered.

“So did he like them?” Lori asked.

“Oh, yeah, he loved them. That’s how we got our second child” she answered.

“How long ago was that?” Lori asked.

“Two kids ago” she answered.

“Oh, then you really need some new lingerie. Maybe try something a little different this time?”

Lori led her over to a rack of thongs and g-strings. “What about a g-string? Maybe for both of you? We have a set of matching his-n-hers tuxedo g-strings” Lori queried. “My husband and I have these.” This was probably true as Lori made her husband wear men’s lingerie. “We also have a faux buckskin Indian and Indian Maiden set with beads. Look, so cute! Ooohhh! And camo! Is he a hunter?”

“Um, no, he doesn’t hunt. I’m not all that fond of G-strings and I don’t think I could get him in one” Judith replied.

“Oh, ok. I guess this fringy his-n-hers leopard print Tarzan and Jane set is out also?” Lori asked.

“If it’s a G-string, then it’s a no” Judith answered.

“Ok, then, how about a garter belt and stockings?” she asked. Ever the optimist, Lori was never put off by the N word, NO.

“I don’t know if he would like those” she said.

“All men like garter belts and stockings” Lori countered.

“Yeah, I don’t know if my man will though” Judith answered.

Lori continued her search around the store. “Let’s try the sale rack. Maybe there’s some lingerie on it under twenty dollars” she said.

Lori and the customer flipped through the sale rack checking for under twenty dollar pieces of lingerie that did not have a G string. Lori held up several items but after about fifteen minutes they had exhausted all the possibilities.

“I’m so picky” said the customer. “I think I’m putting so much pressure on this one piece of lingerie because I want it to be so perfect. Ever since the kids came along our sex life has really suffered. I want to get it back on track. More like the way it was B. C., before children. I want our old sex life back” she moaned.

“Don’t worry! We’ll find something” Lori said still the cheerleader she was in high school. “Wait, I know!” she said as she rushed over to a rack of teddies.

“What about this teddy. It doesn’t look like much on the hanger but it really looks great on. I know it’s a g-string back teddy but it’s all stretch lace, very comfortable and it has this cute bow on the back. Look!” she said holding up the back of the teddy so Judith could see that it consisted of a couple of lace straps and a big bow. “And it comes in six different colors: black, white, pink, red, baby blue and purple. This is the most popular teddy we have and it’s only $25. Can you spend just a little bit more?” she asked.

“I really can’t spend more than $20” she whined. “I knew this wouldn’t work out”.

“Don’t worry, I’ll find you something” Lori insisted. “What about massage oils? Or toys? A lot of those are under twenty dollars. You could just surprise him with a massage and see where it leads. Or maybe a vibrator? More fun for you!”

“Is that my only option? Judith asked.

“Pretty much” said Lori. “I’m sorry but I’ve shown you all the lingerie we have for under $20”.

“That’s okay, I kinda thought so” she said. “So what kind of oils and toys do you have?’

Lori lead her over to the shelves where the massage oils and toys were kept. “Let’s see, for under twenty dollars we have a couple of vibrators, hand cuffs, this leather crop, blindfolds. Oh, and thumb cuffs! They’re like hand cuffs only smaller. Those are fun!” (Yes, Lori has those!)

“I don’t think any of that stuff is for me” said the customer. “I’m not so sure about a vibrator or thumb cuffs. But what kind of massage oils do you have?”

“We have some really nice massage oils” she said. “Here try this one. It’s cherry flavored and heats up when applied to the skin”.

“Mmmm, that’s nice but he doesn’t like cherry” Judith answered.

“This comes in a bunch of flavors” Lori answered. “Chocolate mint, strawberry, coconut, orange…”

“Let me try the strawberry. He loves strawberries” she said.

Lori opened the strawberry oil tester and poured a little on her arm. “Rub it in so you can feel it heat up” she said. “Then taste it”.

“It’s good” replied the customer. “I like it and I think he would too. What else do you have?”

“We have this honey dust. It comes with a feather duster to apply it” Lori said.

“Yeah, that seems too complicated with the feather thing” she said. “I wouldn’t know what to do with it”

“What about this” said Lori. “It’s called Pleasure Balm”.

“What is it?” Judith asked.

“It’s a prolong gel. It’s really minty and makes him go numb so he lasts longer. Here, put a little bit on your tongue” Lori hands her the jar.

Judith sticks her finger in the jar and pulls out a large glob of the Pleasure Balm.

“No, no, no, just a tiny bit of it goes a very long way” said Lori.

The customer wipes most of it off her finger and smears a dab on her tongue. “Oh my gosh! My tongue just went numb! It feels so weird! This isn’t going to hurt him is it?” she asked.

“Oh, no it’s all natural. A little dab goes a long ways though so don’t use too much” Lori answered.

“Have you tried this? asked Judith.

“No, not yet” answered Lori. “But it’s on my list”.

I’ll take this” she said. “My tongue is still numb”.

“Imagine the possibilities” answered Lori as she rang up her purchase. “Here’s to kid number four!”

“Oh, no, we’ve made sure that won’t happen again. This is strictly for fun this time!” answered the customer as she walked towards the door.

A few days later a short, plump woman entered the store and asked me if we had “any of that stuff that comes in the green jar?”

“Um, I’m not sure” I answered. “Is it a massage oil? We have massage oils in green jars.”

“No, no no. It’s a small green jar. Kinda looks like jelly” she said.

My mind was a blank. Actually my mind was thinking of mint jelly, the kind you put on lamb. I guess she could tell I didn’t have a clue.

“It’s for him” she whispered. “He goes numb”.

“Oh, you mean Pleasure Balm” I said finally getting it. “Yeah, we have some of that”.

I pulled a jar off the shelf and said “A little bit goes a very long ways so don’t use too much”.

“Great, I’ll take it” she answered pulling out her checkbook.

The next day another woman came in the store asking for the “green jar of numbing stuff”. “Judith sent me here”.

“Oh, you mean Pleasure Balm” I said.

“Whatever, I heard it works miracles” she said. “I need a miracle”.

The next day another woman with flaming red hair came in the store and said “Judith sent me here to get a small green jar of something that’s supposed to make my husband’s dick stay hard for a long time. It’s supposed to be good for both of us, yeah?’ she asked.

“Uh, yeah sure” said Lori who was working with me. She grabbed a jar off the shelf. “This is it” she said handing her the jar. “Now only use a tiny bit of this. More is not better”.

“No problem” answered the customer. “I heard this was a miracle in a jar. And we could use a miracle if you know what I mean?”

“Uh, ok”

After the customer paid and left, I looked over at the shelf. “I guess if Judith is going to send all her friends in for Pleasure Balm , I should order some more”.

“We only have three jars left” said Lori. “I guess so”

A week later, six cases of Pleasure Balm were delivered to the store. We had long since run out and the waiting list had grown to thirty-eight names. We called all the names on the list and I placed another order, doubling it. The same thing happened again. Every jar was flying off the shelf. A couple were repeat customers including the redhead who reported that “her husbands dick was hard as steel”, “lasted longer than the Tonight Show” and she “hasn’t had that much fun in bed since their wedding night eighteen years ago”.

I ordered again when the second shipment showed signs of selling out. I doubled that order too and a week later it was delivered. I’m sure my supplier was wondering what was going on at my store. I was pricing the jars when Lori came into work that afternoon.

“I wonder if this lives up to it’s hype? “ asked Lori looking at the stacks of jars lying every where.

“I guess it’s time someone in the store finds out” I said handing her a jar.

“Oh, no! I can’t be the only one who tests this!” she said.

“Don’t panic! We’re having a store meeting tonight so I’ll give it to everyone” I replied. Later that evening at our meeting I handed out a jar of Pleasure Balm to everyone who worked at Scarlett’s.

“Ladies, enjoy! Report back and please, not in as much detail as some of our customers. And by that I mean the redhead who’s husbands dick was as hard as steel”.

A few days later it was unanimous. Everyone at the store gave it rave reviews! And without too much detail, thankfully.

That following Saturday, Judith’s husband bought six jars “to give out to buddies”. He even blushed a little when he bought them. I still wonder if he ever really gave them to his “buddies”.